Manifestation

(spoiler: it's actually dreams + work + rest)

I have thought, and written, a lot about the capitalistic idea of “doing and producing.” About how our idea of value is so often (and improperly) linked to how much we are able to do or produce. Production can sometimes mischievously be reframed as “creating” which definitely makes it harder for folks like me to separate the work from our own value. But as my therapist told me years ago, and continues to, “no one’s value lies in what they can do, or produce. That is the great lie of capitalism. Value is inherent.”

I have spoken, lectured, and written extensively on this topic. On how vital it is to set work aside and rest. How that’s the most punk thing anyone can do! It’s a big ol’ middle finger to the capitalist machinery that grinds us all down.

And, with that said, I also still absolutely struggle with feelings of worthlessness when I feel like I’m not “doing” or “creating” enough. This is usually because my health is mandating that I rest more. Or its causing more brainfog than usual so any work that I do is kind of a mess? But regardless, I still feel that guilt of “what’s even the point if I can’t DO more?” How silly.

The other morning, I had a meeting over breakfast with one of my favourite people. A woman who does more things than anyone I think I know. She also started her day with a gentle walk just because she wanted to, and because that time was more important than replying to emails or whatever. I love that, and I aim to embody more and more of that spirit.

We shared so much together, and now something I had been dreaming of for about a year, a river cleanup, is coming together. As well as something I’ve been dreaming of for about THREE years, a pride flotilla, for next summer. Just like that! snap

Similarly, I have been dreaming of a queer prom/formal for a few years now. I chatted with so many folks about my big dreams, and now I (Stonington Pride) am working with the Groton Parks and Recreation to make it a reality in Spring 2027. Like snap that! Is it really so easy? (hint: no lol).

Hang on a second, I need to tell you about a podcast really quick. One of my favourite podcasts is “If Books Could Kill.” It talks about all the problematic books & their authors of the past many years. Fantastic. chefs kiss “The Secret” was one of them, where they really get into the absolute pseudoscience and frankly insanity of the manifestation mentality, if you really break it down and follow it word for word.

I don’t believe in manifestation. I didn’t before the podcast, and I super don’t after. But I do believe that if you focus on something and work towards it, you can eventually get there. And when you kind of forget that you’re working towards it, because your dreams are so big and you’ve been taking little steps for so long, it can feel like manifestation.

That’s how these things have felt for me. It’s not that I haven’t been working towards my goals. I have. Quite hard, actually. But they are long-term, big dream type goals. So I just keep talking to folks, keep telling them my big, beautiful ideas and collecting tips, notes, resources along the way. And eventually I know enough and find the right people and it “comes together like magic.” But it isn’t magic. It’s months or years of hard work layered gently on top of each other so subtly that you can forget it’s there. But it is.

I have a bulletin board next to my bed. I keep my monthly and yearly goals and stuff there to help keep me on track. Big picture stuff, broken down stuff, and then important stuff like “Hope is a discipline.” I really, truly believe that if you keep your chin up, believe in what you are doing, have your heart in the right place, and keep pushing forward, you’ll eventually get there. Wherever that is. Maybe it’s just the emotional high from having 3 exciting projects come together so recently, but I am feeling OPTIMISTIC AF right now!

BUT DON’T FORGET TO REST! Nothing can ever be done if we don’t take the time to rest and restore ourselves. It’s a biological imperative, and nothing to be ashamed of, despite what a capitalistic system tries to tell you. Rest more so you can build more of what you dream of. I believe in you! Thanks for believing in me.